


Comfort

by multilefaiye



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Aquaphobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Non-Binary Apprentice, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, kinda venty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23939935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multilefaiye/pseuds/multilefaiye
Summary: Adeli had never meant for it to become a habit, but they supposed that was the reality of all addictions.ORThree times Adeli begins to spiral and three times someone they love helps them cope.
Relationships: Apprentice & Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice & Julian Devorak, Apprentice & Nadia (The Arcana), Apprentice/Julian Devorak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. Asra.

**Author's Note:**

> What's up, my name's Multi and I can't stick to just one fic or fandom.
> 
> I've had this as a WIP for a while, and I figured I may as well go ahead and finish and share it. Before you read, PLEASE heed the warnings, okay? This is partly based on my own personal experiences with self-harm and mental illness and I don't want anyone to potentially be triggered by this. Please tread carefully <3
> 
> I'm planning for there to only be three chapters of this, but I might do a longer fic with Adeli in the future if people like them :'0 I also wanna clarify that Adeli isn't a self-insert, like my OC Addison they're an OC I just happen to project a lot onto, haha. What's the point of making an OC if you can't project all of your issues onto them.

Adeli had never intended for it to become a habit like this, but they supposed that that was the reality of all addictions. None of them  _ start _ as an addiction.

It had started off small, barely even noticeable. When Adeli was stressed, when they began to feel themself slipping and becoming unraveled, they would pick their nails and bite their fingers until the feeling went away. Until they felt  _ grounded _ again. It hurt a little, but they weren’t causing any  _ real _ harm, they reasoned.

Sometimes their fingers bled on the really bad days, when no matter what they did they just couldn’t feel  _ real _ again, but that wasn’t worth worrying about. A little blood was a small price to pay for stability.

It didn’t always work, they soon found, but that hardly stopped them. If it wasn’t working, they would keep trying until it did. They told themself that it was fine, even as it began working less and less as time went on. Even as their nails grew short and jagged, the skin around them raw and sore.

Everything was fine.

Saying otherwise would only make things worse.

And they  _ were _ fine. Until they… weren’t.

The day wasn’t bad at first. Asra was out and about with Faust, like usual, but he would be back soon. There were a few more customers than usual, perhaps, but nothing Adeli wasn’t used to.

The unsteady, twisting feeling building in their gut throughout the morning and the way their hands shook and the haze across their vision notwithstanding. It was fine. Everything was just fine.

Adeli’s breaking point didn’t come until late afternoon when, in their distracted state, they mixed up a customer’s order. The customer, a small woman with almond-shaped eyes, was polite enough when she handed back the envelope of herbs, which only made the sudden jolt of  _ shame _ all the more painful.

“I-I’m sorry, ma’am,” they said quickly, red-faced with shame as they fumbled to find the herbs she’d asked for--herbs for protection and safe travel, so ash leaves and mugwort to start, maybe some mullein just to be safe. Oh, they’d have to make sure to find a proper bag for the ash leaves, too, wouldn’t they?

“It’s alright,” the woman said, not quite meeting Adeli’s eyes as she glanced around the shop with something Adeli’s mind  _ screamed _ looked too much like contempt for their liking. (Not that they were trying to meet hers, either--their head was swimming far too much for eye contact.)

“I’m not leaving until next week,” she continued, “so, no rush!” Still, that wasn’t very reassuring for Adeli. They’d made a mistake, and they had to make up for it  _ immediately _ . They couldn’t lose a customer, they would never forgive themself.

Adeli dug their short, choppy nails into the palm of their hand. It stung, but it helped calm them down enough to focus. They couldn’t exactly bite their fingers in front of customers, so this would have to do.

They finally managed to locate the mugwort, sitting at the very edge of the shelf where Asra always stored herbs, which they set on the counter with a triumphant smile at the woman.

… Based on the unimpressed expression on her face, she didn’t quite share the sentiment.

Their spirit only slightly dampened, Adeli went back to work to find the ash leaves, biting their lip as they examined the shelves behind them. They knew there were some stashed away, Adeli had just taken stock this morning. So where were--aha! There!

Somehow, at some point during the day, the leaves had been placed next to the bottles of scented oils Asra had stored on the  _ high _ shelves, rather than with the other herbs on the lower shelves.

Adeli sighed in relief and irritation--it seemed that no matter how hard they tried to keep things in order, things would inevitably migrate somewhere else.

They stretched up to reach the long, deep green leaves, fumbling around the high shelf as they did so. Their fingers only found smooth, glass bottles at first. Furrowing their brow in frustration ( _ who the hell had moved these _ ), they reached back a bit farther--

And knocked over one of the fragile, crystalline vials. Adeli cried out and rushed to catch it, but their shaking hands were too clumsy to do more than send it crashing to the floor where it shattered into pieces.

They froze, staring at the iridescent shards and pale, glittering oil slowly seeping into the floor as their hands began to shake and their skin began to prickle, heart stuttering in their chest. How could they have done that? They were so  _ stupid _ , useless and  _ clumsy _ , couldn’t even pick up a  _ fucking vial _ without making a mess--

“Are you alright?” the customer asked, cutting off their racing thoughts. Adeli dug their nails into their palms to drag their panicking mind back to reality.

“I’m fine!” they told her, dropping to their knees and forcing a smile to their face even if she couldn’t  _ see _ . The oil was a lost cause, but they could clean up the glass. They could fix this, it was fine,  _ they  _ were fine. The jagged shards dug into their sweaty fingers as they picked them up, but they were too deep in their desperation to notice the pain.

The customer shifted, her expensive shoes clicking against the hard stone floor of the shop. “I can come back later,” she suggested. “I don’t need the herbs until next week, like I said.” Adeli could  _ hear _ the pity in her voice and they  _ hated _ it.

“ _ No _ !” Adeli said, sharper than they intended, wincing as soon as the words left their mouth. Their mind was whirling faster than the rest of them could keep up. “No, it’s fine, ma’am, I’m sorry, just  _ please _ -” They rushed to get to their feet, stumbling and pressing a knee into the remaining shards in their frantic attempt to salvage the situation.

“No, really, it’s fine,” the customer said, a steely tone to her voice as she backed away from the counter. “I’ll come back another day.”

Before Adeli could protest again, the customer left the shop, the door closing behind her with a resounding  _ thud _ that had Adeli flinching as though they’d been struck. They stared after her with a lost expression on their face, oblivious to the concerned murmurs of the other customers waiting in the shop.

Adeli’s hands shook and they looked down to see that they were bleeding. They’d dug their nails into the palms of their hands so sharply that they’d drawn blood. The shards of glass had only torn open the small wounds further, releasing a flood of  _ red _ that poured from their hands and dripped onto the floor to mingle with the oil. Their knee was bleeding, too, but the pain hardly compared to the  _ shame _ churning through them in waves.

“Adeli?” a familiar voice asked, but Adeli was far too shaky and uneasy to place it. “Are you alright?” Footsteps approached them quickly and someone knelt down in front of them. Adeli couldn’t look up to see who it was, they were so engrossed in how much of a  _ goddamn failure _ they were.

But then warm, gentle fingers were tilting their chin up, forcing them to look up to see--

It was Asra kneeling before them, his brow furrowed with concern and his gentle eyes wide. He was frowning, looking them over as a parent looking over a child. Eventually, his gaze hardened and he got to his feet.

“I’m sorry, everyone,” Asra called, his voice easily projecting around the enclosed space, “but I’m afraid we’re going to have to close early. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

He ushered the customers out of the shop, offering condolences and discounts to those who protested, and locked the door behind them. When the shop was empty, Asra turned around and quickly walked back over to Adeli, kneeling down in front of them.

“What happened?” he asked them.

“I-” Adeli swallowed. “I was trying to get some ash leaves off the shelf, a-and I knocked over one of the scented oils and it  _ broke _ and I tried to pick up the shards but-” They closed their hands into fists and looked down in shame, sure that Asra would be angry with them. Why wouldn’t he be? They’d made a mistake, and they’d ruined  _ everything _ .

But the anger didn’t come. Instead, he reached out with gentle hands and unballed their fists, examining their hands with a concerned expression in his eyes.

“Oh, we’ll have to get these bandaged up,” he murmured. He glanced down and winced. “And your knee, too.” Asra smiled at them and reached up to brush their bangs away from their sweaty face. Nervously, they looked up and met his warm gaze. He seemed to sense what they were thinking and added, “It’s okay, Adeli. I’m not angry.”

“... You’re not?” they asked hesitantly.

“Of course not.” Asra’s smile grew, and Adeli felt their fear fall away like water. They smiled back, a little shakily, and he gently patted their hands.

“Come,” Asra said softly, “let me patch you up. I’ll clean up this mess later.” He carefully helped Adeli to their feet, careful of the glass, and guided them towards the back of the shop, up into the loft where he and Adeli lived. Adeli felt as though they were in a daze as they walked with their master, blood still dripping down from their hands and knee.

Later, when Adeli was sitting on their bedroll with their hands and knee bandaged and free of glass shards, Asra sat down before them, an almost… sad expression on his face. Faust was with him now, coiled around his shoulders.

“May I see your hands?” he asked. Adeli hesitated, holding their hands close to their chest, and he added, “Don’t worry, Adeli, I just want to make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

After a moment, they held out their bandaged hands, which he carefully took in his own to inspect. The sadness in his eyes only grew as he lightly ran his fingers over their bandages, and he grimaced as he noticed their jagged, bloodstained nails and the sore, torn skin around them.

“What happened to your fingers?” he asked gently. Adeli bit their lip and looked down at their lap. Faust seemed to sense their unease and slithered off of Asra’s shoulders to Adeli’s, squeezing them gently in a hug.

“It’s okaaaaaaay,” she said, rubbing her head against Adeli. Despite themself, they smiled, leaning into the touch. The snake always seemed to know what to do to cheer them up.

“I…” They swallowed. “I bite my fingers sometimes. Only when I’m really stressed or having trouble feeling… real.” Asra was silent, his eyes wide with concern but none of the judgment Adeli was expecting.

“I’m so sorry,” Asra said after a moment. Adeli looked at him in confusion.

“For what?” they asked. “You… You didn’t do anything wrong.” Quite the opposite, actually. If it hadn’t been for Asra, Adeli would’ve only unraveled further, until they were nothing.

“For not noticing sooner,” he replied. “For letting you deal with this on your own.” Gently, so as not to aggravate their wounds, he squeezed their hands and looked up at them, his eyes suddenly determined. “I promise, you’ll never have to bite your hands again, Adeli. Not as long as I’m here.”

Adeli was silent for a moment, then they smiled, hesitant as a frightened animal.

“Thank you, master,” they said. Asra snorted.

“I thought I told you not to call me that,” he teased. Then his voice softened. “But, of course. You’re important to me, Adeli, and I’ll always be there for you.”

Adeli felt tears beading at the corners of their eyes and they pulled Asra into a hug, burying their face in his shoulder as their shoulders shook. Asra paused for a moment, clearly stunned by the sudden movement, before he wrapped his arms around them and held them close.

“It’s okay, Adeli,” he told them. “I’m here.”


	2. Nadia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand chapter two time! Sorry this took a little while, I had some trouble with this one for some reason. Nadia's always been kinda hard for me to write, and I'm not 100% happy with how this chapter turned out, but I wanted to get it out rather than stewing over it forever. I hope you like it <3
> 
> Also, if I do end up writing,,,,, a longer story about Adeli,,,,,, y'all will get to know that creature from their nightmares veeery well :3c

Nightmares were nothing new to Adeli. For as long as they can remember, they’ve been plagued by these night terrors. Often they would wake screaming until their throat was ragged, shaking so violently they feared they might break.

Asra had become adept at calming Adeli after these nightmares, holding them gently and patting their hair until the terror passed.

But Asra wasn’t here now. He was gone, on one of his many journeys, and Adeli was alone.

Their third night staying at the Countess’s palace, Adeli woke with a loud, terrified shriek. They jolted upright, chest heaving as their whole body trembled violently. Their gaze darted around the dark room, and though the room was empty save for the warm, comfortable bed Adeli lay in, the sight brought them no comfort.

Adeli let out a frightened whimper and scooted backward until their back was pressed against the stone wall, never taking their eyes off of the shadows that seemed to be reaching for them with jagged claws. Their dream flashed in their mind and they bit their lip to hold back a sob.

_ “Give it back to me!” the beast wearing Adeli’s face snarled at them, grabbing them and shoving them to the ground with clawed hands. “You  _ stole _ it!” _

_ “I didn’t steal anything!” they cried. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” _

This wasn’t the first time they’d had a nightmare about the…  _ creature _ that had their face, nor was it the first time the creature had attacked them, but every time they were left shaken by its appearance. It felt like the thing was hunting them, coming closer and closer every night until it was finally close enough to deliver the killing blow.

Adeli felt suddenly nauseous and closed their eyes, covering their mouth with their hand.

They had to get out of here.

As quickly as they could, they stumbled out of bed until they were standing on shaky legs on the cool stone floor. The cold only served to make their trembling worse, and the thin fabric of their green sleeping tunic did little to warm them. They crossed their arms in an attempt to quell the shaking, and they quickly strode out of their room and into the hallway.

The hallway was empty, as to be expected at this time of night. Adeli wasn’t sure of the exact time, but they knew dawn must still be many hours away. Only the guards would be awake, and if Adeli remembered right, they would mainly be patrolling the exterior at this point.

Probably for the best, they thought--they didn’t want anyone to see them like this.

Adeli shivered and walked aimlessly through the halls of the castle. They didn’t know where they were going, but they knew they had to escape that room and the shadows that grasped and taunted them.

Their breath quickened as they walked and they darted their gaze around with each step, flinching at every shadow and creak. They knew it was impossible, that they were safe inside the castle and the  _ thing _ in their dreams wasn’t real, but… they could’ve sworn something was following them. When they turned their head, they thought they saw a flash of red just behind them.

They blanched and sped up, practically sprinting down the hall in their haste to escape whatever was behind them. Frightened tears were flowing freely down their face now as they ran. There was a door up ahead, and in their terrified state, they dimly registered that it led out to the balcony overlooking the gardens.

Adeli didn’t hesitate and they flung the door open, stumbling out onto the patio with a gasp. The cold night air did little to bring them comfort, and their shivering only worsened. Quickly, they looked behind them once more, only to see nothing behind them. Somehow, that didn’t make them feel better.

Adeli let out a whimper and backed away from the dark hallway until they bumped into the railing. Like a puppet whose strings had been severed, Adeli collapsed against the railing, curling up into a ball in a futile attempt to protect themself from whatever had been following them.

Almost instinctively, they lifted a hand to their mouth and bit down on one of their fingers  _ hard _ , tearing at their painted nails and digging into their skin. The pain, normally a comfort, did nothing for them. They whimpered and bit harder, desperate for something to focus on besides the fear coursing through them and the pounding of their heart.

“Adeli?” a soft voice spoke.

Adeli cried out and jolted backward, slamming their head against the railing. They winced, reaching up to cup the back of their head, as they looked wide-eyed up to see--

It was Nadia, standing there with a look of concern on her elegant face, wearing her thin sleeping gown and a pair of slippers.

“Oh!” she gasped, kneeling down in front of them. “I apologize, I did not mean to startle you. Are you alright?” She reached out tentatively to cup their face, checking their head for injury. When she found none, she gently wiped away the tears that were drying on their cheeks.

“I… I’m fine,” Adeli finally managed to force out, the words heavy on their tongue. They were still shaking, but somehow Nadia’s warm hands chased away the cold. Unfortunately, though, the fear remained.

“Clearly not,” Nadia said, clucking her tongue and furrowing her brow. “What are you doing out at this time of night?”

Adeli swallowed. “I… I had a nightmare,” they explained. And oh how pathetic and small they felt, feeling such helplessness over a simple dream.

Nadia seemed to understand, though, and she frowned at them. She rested her hands on their shoulders and squeezed gently, comfortingly.

“Come with me,” she said. Adeli looked at her questioningly. “It’s far too cold and too late to be outside; let us retire to my chambers.” Carefully, she helped Adeli to her feet, and though they were taller than her they found themself leaning on her for support as they stood. Not that she seemed to mind.

The walk to Nadia’s chambers was short, and somehow it was much less frightening than Adeli’s frantic flight from their own chambers. Perhaps it was the fact that they were not alone now, that they were accompanied by someone who brought them no harm.

When they finally reached her chambers, Nadia bade Adeli sit on the large, round bed. They did so without complaint, crossing their arms and staring down at their hands. The finger they’d bitten was red and raw, the nail torn and bleeding, but it was only a small wound.

Nothing they hadn’t experienced before.

Nadia sat down beside them, crossing her long legs and turning to regard them somberly. There was an aching sadness in her ruby eyes that made Adeli’s stomach twist uncomfortably, so they tried to avoid her gaze. Still, her presence was… comforting, in a way. Adeli could feel their heart’s frantic drumbeat begin to slow to a much more reasonable pace and their trembling slowly begin to subside.

“What troubles you so, dear magician?” Nadia asked after a moment, resting a hand on Adeli’s. “You know you are safe within these walls, and I will never allow any harm to come to you.”

Adeli hesitated. They’d never told anyone, not even Asra, the details of their nightmares, about the creature that haunted them. Speaking of it would only make it more real, after all, would only give it shape.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Nadia added after a moment. “I will not force you.” They glanced towards her and saw nothing but kind sorrow and sympathy in her eyes. Perhaps… it wouldn’t be so bad to tell her, they thought.

“I…” They swallowed. “Sometimes I have nightmares about this… this  _ thing _ chasing me.” They paused.

“Well, that certainly is not uncommon,” Nadia said gently. “I have had such dreams myself.”

“It has my face, Nadia,” Adeli said, looking away and down at their lap, where Nadia’s manicured hand rested on their own. “It looks just like me and it talks like me and it chases me and claws me and it  _ won’t leave me alone _ -”

Nadia squeezed their hand gently, and they trailed off.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer such a thing,” she murmured. “Is that… why you were outside?”

“I was trying to run away from it,” Adeli explained, feeling so very much like a foolish child afraid of the dark.

… Perhaps that wasn’t too far off.

“I… I know it’s ridiculous, but I feel like I can’t escape it, even when I’m awake.” They reached up with their free hand to wipe at their face, feeling fresh tears beading at the corners of their eyes.  _ How fucking pathetic, _ they thought bitterly.  _ Crying over a nightmare. _

Nadia squeezed their hand again. “Adeli,” she said, “look at me.”

They hesitated, then did so. They saw no judgment in Nadia’s eyes, only the same kindness and sympathy. She smiled softly.

“Adeli,” Nadia said, “it is not ridiculous to fear such a terrible nightmare, but I  _ promise _ you that you are safe. No creature or person will harm you as long as I am here.”

“How can you be sure?” Adeli asked, their voice watery and wavering. “I… I see it everywhere, and I know it’s hunting me. I-It’s only a matter of time before it  _ catches _ me, and if it does then I don’t…” They trailed off, their tongue suddenly heavy and thick in their mouth.

Nadia was silent for a moment, but she continued holding their hand. She seemed to be considering what to say, how to comfort Adeli when they were so distressed.

“I can’t be sure,” she confessed after a moment, voice tinged with regret. “But I promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect you. You are very dear to me, my friend, and I will not let you suffer alone.” She smiled softly. “I’m here for you, Adeli.”

Adeli was quiet, then they squeezed Nadia’s hand. 

“Thank you,” they said softly. She smiled and reached up with her free hand, wiping away the tears that had begun to roll down their cheeks once more.

“Of course,” she replied. “Whatever you need, I will provide.” For a moment, the pair were quiet, and then she asked, “Do you think you will be able to sleep again?”

Adeli thought about it for a moment, then shook their head. Nadia chuckled, a lively and musical sort of sound.

“Neither will I,” she confessed. “Why don’t you and I find something to do in the meantime?” Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

“A… Alright,” Adeli agreed, hesitantly smiling back at her.

“Come with me,” Nadia said, once more helping Adeli to their feet. This time, they felt stronger, no longer having to lean on the Countess for support. “I’m sure we will find something in the palace to occupy our time.”

Adeli smiled again and nodded, feeling their fears melt away. They were not completely gone, of course, but now Adeli knew they would be safe.

Nothing bad would happen to them.


	3. Julian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this sure took a hot minute to update, didn't it? Hahah.... hah.... I honestly fell a bit out of the Arcana fandom (not that I was in it much to begin with), and stopped thinking about Adeli for a while. BUT Adeli has finally wormed their way back into my brain and I figured, after all this time, I should finally finish this! After everything, Adeli is still my baby.
> 
> It's been a while since I wrote for anything with the Arcana, so Julian may be a little out of character here, but I hope it isn't too distracting ^^"
> 
> Also, I'd like to make a disclaimer: I in no way believe that people with phobias are a burden or that they are childish or otherwise weak for needing help. This is simply Adeli's internalized anxiety about themself and their own experiences, not at all my own opinions or beliefs. And, by the end of this chapter, I hope it's clear that Adeli's thoughts have changed slightly. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from others, and there is nothing wrong with needing a shoulder to lean on.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this story, even with how long it took me to finish. Thank you for the support <3

Something that baffled and frustrated Adeli about themself, far more so than their nightmares or tendency to bite and scratch at themself, was their strange, persistent fear of water.

They could drink water well enough, but even the thought of swimming or, on their worst days,  _ bathing _ was enough to make them tremble and sob. Time and time again, Adeli would try to face their fear, to overcome it with sheer stubborn will, and every time they would break down.

The worst part was that Adeli, no matter how hard they tried, couldn’t even recall  _ why _ they had this phobia. Their muddled, shadowed memories kept their secrets hidden behind lock and key, even to Adeli.

They tried to keep their phobia a secret, to the best of their ability. The only one who truly knew the extent of their suffering was Asra. Adeli supposed that made sense--after all, Asra was their closest friend.

Like with their nightmares, Asra was adept at helping Adeli with their phobia. He would make sure to stay close with them anytime they had to traverse Vesuvia’s many winding canals, sometimes even holding their hand to help ground them and keep their attention away from the water. On Adeli’s worst days, he even helped them bathe, whispering soothing words as he washed their long ginger hair and dark, freckled skin.

It was embarrassing, needing to be helped like a child, but Adeli was grateful. Still, they knew they couldn’t depend on Asra forever…

It was midday when Julian came to collect Adeli from the shop. With a playful wink in a fondly exasperated Asra’s direction, he whisked the young mage away for a day of exploring the city. Adeli had protested at first, insisting they had to stay and help their master, but they’d always had a soft spot for the doctor--one he was very well aware of.

“Where are we going?” Adeli asked as they walked hand-in-hand down Vesuvia’s streets (or, rather, as Julian pulled them along). They had an amused smile on their face, and the anxiety that always rested inside their heart was, for once, calm. Julian made them feel comfortable in a way not many people did, and they trusted him.

“Well,” he drawled, turning his head to wink at them over his shoulder, “that’s a secret, my dear magician.” Adeli frowned at him, but they still didn’t feel uneasy. After all, even if Julian was a slippery boy at the best of times, they knew he would never do anything to hurt them or put them in danger.

The two walked for a time, making their way through the maze-like streets of the city. As they walked, Adeli asked again and again where they were going, what Julian was planning, and again and again, he easily sidestepped their confusion. Normally, such behavior would make Adeli uneasy, but their faith in Julian won out.

That was until they realized where he was taking them.

Before Adeli knew it, they were standing alongside one of the wide Vesuvian canals. In front of them was a sleek, black-painted gondola, floating innocently in the rippling waters. Immediately, Adeli realized what Julian had planned, and their heart dropped into their stomach.

Oblivious to the terror his partner was feeling, Julian began to speak. “It has occurred to me, my dear magician, that even with as long as we’ve known each other, as long as we’ve been together, we’ve never had a proper date! Y’know, a day on the town with just us!

“So, I cashed in a few favors, and I arranged a day for just the two of us. A proper date! What do you say, Adeli?” He grinned at them sheepishly, stroking their knuckles with a finger. Adeli could only hope he didn’t notice how their hands had begun to shake.

Their first impulse was to say no, to reject the offer and head back to the shop, away from the water and to safety, but… they realized with a start that they couldn’t. Not with the earnest shine in Julian’s face, the nervousness they saw there. They couldn’t break his heart like that, not when he clearly had tried so hard to arrange something fun for the both of them.

Besides… maybe he didn’t mean for them to take a gondola ride. Maybe they were just here incidentally.

Adeli swallowed nervously and asked, “What’s… what’s on the itinerary for the night?” They smiled, trying their best to stamp down the anxiety and keep their voice light. They had to be brave.

Julian seemed to notice and his own smile faltered slightly, but he recovered quickly enough and said with a flourish, “Well, my darling mage, if you would allow me, I will be taking you on a journey through Vesuvia, starting with a ride through the canals.”

_ Fuck. _

Something must have shown on Adeli’s face, for Julian’s smile fell away and he looked at them in genuine concern. It wasn’t like him, they thought, to look so damn  _ worried _ .

“Are you alright, Adeli?” Julian asked, running his finger over their knuckles again. He seemed to lose his nerve, and he said quickly, “Ah, we don’t have to if you’re not interested, or if you’re not feeling up to it, I just thought it’d be nice-”

“No,” Adeli cut him off, “i-it’s okay.” They took a deep breath and forced a smile, taking his hand in both of theirs. They had to be brave, they decided. They had to be brave for him. “I just wasn’t expecting this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” Julian’s bright answering smile was enough to convince Adeli that they were making the right decision.

“Excellent!” Julian cheered. He leaned down and pecked a kiss against Adeli’s cheek in his excitement, clasping their hands together. His smile softened as he pulled away, and he told them almost teasingly, “Don’t worry, little magician--I won’t let you fall in.”

Adeli could only hope that was true.

Julian stepped into the gondola first. He was as light on his feet as a cat with a playful grin on his face to match, easily making himself comfortable on the shifting vessel. Once he was standing comfortably in the gondola, he extended a hand to Adeli. For a long moment, Adeli stared at his outstretched hand, then carefully they placed their shaking hand in his.

They had to be brave.

Carefully, Julian guided Adeli down into the gondola. The whole time, their body shook and their heart pounded in their chest, their palms growing sweaty as it grew harder to breathe. They clung to his hand like it was the only thing holding them there, keeping them safe. And maybe it was.

Finally, though, Adeli was seated on one of the benches in the gondola. Though they weren’t actually  _ in _ the water, the anxiety didn’t go away. If anything, it only grew worse, being so close to the source of their fear. It wouldn’t take much for the gondola to tip, for them to fall into the water and be swept away. That thought was enough to make their throat go dry, their heart pounding a terrified drumbeat in their chest and their blood roaring in their ears.

“Adeli?” Julian’s voice broke through the haze of fear. They realized belatedly that they were still holding his hand, holding it so tightly that it almost hurt. But he didn’t complain, and when their frantic eyes met his, they saw no judgment, only concern.

“Adeli,” Julian said softly, “what’s wrong? Please tell me.”

Adeli opened their mouth to answer, but it was then that the gondola shifted in the water, rocking them enough to remind them of where they were. And so, instead of words, all that came out of their mouth was a whimper.

“I-I’m so sorry,” they croaked, fighting the tears that were beading at the corners of their eyes, “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t be by the water, I can’t, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to drown-”

Before Adeli could continue, Julian pulled them close and into his chest, his strong arms wrapping around them protectively. With that gesture, the figurative floodgates opened and Adeli began to sob and the tears they were fighting cascaded down their face. He ran gentle fingers through their hair, pressed his lips to their forehead. It took Adeli a moment to realize they were babbling, nonsense apologies and begging for forgiveness, trying desperately to explain themself, to get him to  _ understand-- _

“It’s alright, Adeli,” Julian whispered against their skin. “You don’t need to apologize for anything.” He paused, shifting slightly but still holding them close. “Here, let’s get out.”

It took some maneuvering, but Julian was able to step out of the gondola with Adeli still held tightly in his arms. The whole time, they continued to shake and sob, clinging to him so tightly their knuckles were white against their dark skin, hiding their face in his chest.

Julian guided them carefully over to a bench set up near the gondola and sat them down, taking a seat next to them and holding them close. For what felt like hours, the two simply sat there, holding each other as Adeli slowly calmed down. Finally, they pulled back to look up at him.

“How are you feeling?” Julian asked softly.

“Fine,” Adeli replied, their voice hoarse. Julian began to rub their back, not relinquishing his hold on them.

“You’re clearly not,” he said as gently as he could. “What happened?” He paused, then, and added, “I mean… you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m… I’m here for you, alright? I love you, Adeli, and I want to be able to help you.”

_ I never want to do anything to make you cry like that again _ , went unsaid.

Adeli hesitated. They’d been careful to keep their phobia of water a secret from all but Asra, and even then Asra only knew because they worked so closely with each other. There was no way to keep it a secret from him.

It wasn’t that they wanted to lie to Julian, to keep things from him, but… it was so  _ embarrassing _ , being nearly incapacitated by something as innocent as water. How could they tell Julian, someone who spent so much of his life on the seas? How could he understand the fear they felt, the panic that coursed through them at even the  _ thought _ of water?

As Adeli looked at Julian, though, as their gazes met, they once again saw no judgment there. No, what they saw instead was worry and  _ love _ , and that was enough to make up their mind. They could share this part of themself with him, and they knew that, even if he may not understand, he would never hold it against them.

And so, Adeli began to speak. They stumbled over their words slightly, their throat as raw as it was from crying, but they carried on with determination, desperate to share the secret they had been hiding for so long. By the time they finished, they were shaking again, holding tightly to Julian’s arm around them.

When they were done, Julian was quiet. When Adeli looked up at him, they saw a flash of regret across his pale face, though it was quickly replaced by a look of something they hadn’t expected:  _ understanding _ .

“Adeli,” he began, reaching up with a hand to gently cup their face, “I… I’m so sorry I put you in that position. I shouldn’t have…” He swallowed, then sighed. “I won’t give excuses, but I want you to know, Adeli, that I would  _ never _ knowingly put you in a situation where you could be hurt, mentally or physically.” His eyes were serious now as he regarded them, and he pressed his lips to their temple.

“I know,” Adeli said softly, shifting to lean their head against their chest. He let them, his hand falling away to rest on the small of their back. “It’s not your fault, Jules; you didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t make it better,” Julian replied. The hand that was still rubbing their back came up to move some of their long hair out of their face. “I promise you, Adeli, that you never have to worry about anything like this happening again. I’ll protect you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Adeli protested.

“Maybe not,” Julian conceded with a small smile, “but I want to. I love you, my little mage.” Despite themself, Adeli smiled. They leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“I love you, too, my brave protector,” Adeli said.

Maybe they didn’t have to be brave, they thought. Maybe it was okay to be scared, to ask for help, to rely on others now and then.

After all, not everyone can stand on their own all the time.

A long moment passed before either of them spoke again.

“So,” Julian drawled, a warm smile spreading across his face, “nix on the gondola ride. But are you still feeling up for the rest of our date? No water required.”

Adeli smiled a bit sheepishly. “I think I’d rather just do something at home,” they confessed. Julian’s smile only grew.

“That sounds perfect,” he said, pressing another kiss to their forehead.

And, in a way, it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this, feel free to come talk to me over on tumblr: https://multi-lefaiye.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you for the support! <33


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